So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
