i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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