I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
