I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
