I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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