how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
