I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Welp...herpes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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