Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
