Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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