Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
