Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
