a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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