There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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