I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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