Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
