She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The best revenge is premature balding
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm at about main and main street
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
