you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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