I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
