You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
