He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You work out of a Hotel?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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