i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
