I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
