Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
