Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
