what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
