Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
