i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
