First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
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Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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