Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
