I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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