Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
