dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why do cheetos always look like penises
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
