youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
