You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
