I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
