Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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