I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
