He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
