Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize