But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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