you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
