Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't deserve a penis
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
