It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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