this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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