Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
