You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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