I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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