Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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