WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
