hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
