i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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