sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
