So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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