shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
