Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
