he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
