the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
