I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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