sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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