I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
