I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
