I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
