you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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