She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
