i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize