bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
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You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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