well most of my day revolves around power hour
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
