You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
