I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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