are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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