We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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