Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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