My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
