so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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