take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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