there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
