As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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