Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
