Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
