I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize