haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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