dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
