If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
